On Finding Inspiration

Thirty years ago today my parents got married.  

My dad had the remnants of an Afro, my mom had stick straight hair and wore a simple polyester gown.  They were engaged for nine weeks - not a lot of time to plan a wedding by today's standards but long enough to plan a marriage.

My bouquet wrapped with lace from my mom and mom's veils, 1313blog.com

My parents follow in the footsteps of their parents; my maternal grandparents have been married for 56 years and my paternal grandparents for 62 years.  As I grew up I would observe my grandparents, and the "funny" things they would do, and now that I am older I see the same things in my own parents.  

They look after each other.  They have stories and memories that could fill books.  They do the little things; pick up the dry cleaning, make the perfect cup of coffee, prepare a sandwich just the right way.  They are for each other the right fit: a partner, a friend, and a love.  They still flirt with each other.  They sing, and share the same music; the music of their own lives.  They are fierce parents (and grandparents) and have created homes that welcome their children, and (grandchildren, and great-grandchildren).  They are still very much in love; my dad proves it to me every time he makes comments on my mom's new hair cut, toned arms, great smile.  

I am so lucky to have an example of a long and fruitful marriage to look at, learn from and aspire to.

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad, wishing you many, many more years of love, happiness, and health.

 

Sign on the Dotted Line

When planning our wedding there were a few things I really wanted for the ceremony: a chuppah, a broken glass and a ketubah (the Jewish wedding contract).  I am Jewish and Mark is atheist and raised Catholic, and so planning a ceremony that reflected our individual backgrounds, and shared future was important.

The ketubah became a pet project for both of us.  If you google search "ketubah" you'll see endless varieties; Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Interfaith, Second Marriages, GLBT marriages.  And yet, none of these really clicked. Our wedding officiant, Cantor Debbi Ballard was very supportive of us creating our own ceremony that was unique and personal to us, and she encouraged us to apply that same consideration to our ketubah.  So, just like our invitations, the ketubah was written by us and designed by me.

We treated the text of our ketubah like our own vows, and agreed that the it's text would be the guide for our future.  I am really proud of what we wrote, promised and agreed to.

On Saturday, the twenty third day of January,

Two Thousand and Ten,

Mark

and

Carly

joined each other before family and friends

to enter into a mutual covenant of marriage,

and with love and compassion

each vowed the following commitments:

To Ourselves-

To continuously improve our minds, bodies and souls

To push ourselves to achieve goals

To do good in the world

To love life, arts, sciences

And above all to have a sense of humor.

To each other-

To be friends, Partners and Lovers

To be honest and build a relationship on trust

To be kind, to communicate

To be a source of strength and balance for one another

To grow together.

To Our Family-

To create a nourishing home for happy and Healthy children

And an open home to all.

Our commitment to the above seals this document

Our ketubah was written with a focus on each of us and us.  It was important to us for the document to guide our marriage and focus on the growth we would want to experience and embrace so that we could continue to grow together over the journey of our lives and our marriage.

We signed our ketubah, and had our best man and maid of honor (Mark's brother and my sister) serve as our witnesses.  In the Jewish faith the signing of the ketubah meant we were as good as married, so we sealed it with a kiss.